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The Happy Floater
The Happy Floate'''r is a massive yacht and the capital of the Glorious Pacific People's Republic, often considered to be a subcontinent, currently stationed off the coast of Queensland, Australia. It is recognized as an independent government by the United Nations, and can be considered the 5th largest navy in the world by most standards. The vessel also serves as the official residence of the First and Foremost Lord, the ruler of the GLORP. The Master currently holds all legal ownership of the vessel, and its care is largely entrusted to Barnabus. History Originally commissioned in 1965 by The Father. '''The Happy Floater was and continues to be the world's largest sea vessel. It took 10 years of planning and development, over $5,000,000,000 and an estimated 30,000 Indonesian children died during construction. In 1970, the vessel turned the tide of the Vietnam War. Literally, The Happy Floater approached North Vietnam by the South China Sea and, with The Father at the helm, made a sharp turn which created a massive tidal wave that wiped out the entirety of Vietnam along with the island of Hainan Dao, the Paracel Islands and much of Cambodia and Laos. From 1970 to 1980, the vessel roamed the Pacific Ocean as a naval powerhouse, indiscriminately exerting its might upon hapless passersby. The Happy Floater Raider Brigaders provided its main force, while a number of salvaged World War II battleship weapons adorned the main ship's hull. The vessel held favorable standing with the U.S., Great Britton, and most western powers during this time, and came to be considered a first world country. It was able to single-handedly keep the Chinese economy in check while also enslaving numerous North Korean elites during its raids. For these reasons, its rampant piracy and imperialism was overlooked by most of the world, and by 1978 Nearly all Pacific islands had become states or protectorates of The Happy Floater, '''which still dominates Pacific trade and fishing. '''The Happy Floater's final and most controversial naval battle, Dole's Last Stand, occured on April 27th, 1980, in which the The Father made an unprecedented move by adding the state of Hawaii to his empire. While this garnered the ire of the Untied States, president Carter did not see fit to take military action, but did order the removal of many of The Happy Floater's '''weapon systems. This marked the end Floater Imperialism, but it's Glorious Pacific Empire remains largely intact as of present day. From 1980-2000, '''The Happy Floater remained largely under the care of Barnabus, while The Father ran his empire from the comfort of his home in Hudson, Ohio. It engaged in largely peaceful trading and the population on the yacht itself saw a boom due to the increased slavery of Octagon Trade. On September 14th, 2000, The Father ascended to his purest form of being, never to be seen again on this earth, and left control of his empire to The Master at the age of 6. Barnabus continued running the yacht's affairs, though The Master held supreme authority, occasionally overriding governmental votes in favor of building Disc Golf rinks golden statues. As of 2008, The Master largely commands the vessel and leaves Barnabus in a mostly subservient role. Under his rule, the Floater's standing as an elegant ship has reduced to that of a drunken party romping raft. The celebrities of the world gather for weekly parties that often end in debauchery and alcohol poisoning, while The Master boogies the night away. The Empire remains strong in the capable hands of Barnabus, as The Master has little interest in running things. Structure & Sections The Happy Floater contains over 5,000 separate rooms, many of which are greater than 300km^3 in volume. For simplicity's sake, the yacht will be divided into five sections in this article. Deck The deck of The Happy Floater measures 1670 kilometers long and 475 kilometers wide, and is in fact visible from space. This is the main area where ragers and parties occur. Main attractions include the world's largest disc golf course, the world's largest ball golf course, a zoo, a shopping mall, the world's 3rd largest swimming pool and a ghetto for the gypsies. Floater National Park can be found at the center of the ship, and hides the Navigation Area. Navigation Area The Navigation area contains all equipment necessary for controlling the vessel's maneuvers and functions. The steering, engine control, electric and plumbing systems can all be found in this massive compound which is worked by the nimble hands of third world slaves. During the time of Floater Imperialism, the weapon controls could be found here, but they have since been replaced with party lights and buttchug machines. Ball Room The most elegant ball room ever constructed, it contains three opera houses, two theaters, an art museum, a natural history museum, and an Adult Video. This area has largely been used as a rave area, and is trashed nearly every night. Captain's Quarters The captain's quarters is a sizable city located in the bowels of The Happy Floater. A massive slum houses the workers of the ship, and surrounds The Master's domicile. The domicile is where many a gasp-worthy sexual escapades have taken place which will not be mentioned here. Engine Room The world's largest steam engine has operated without halt since The Floater's commission. It is unknown what will happen when it ceases to function, but the consequences will most likely be dire. Inhabitants The Happy Floater is home to over 3 million residents, all of whom are employed or indentured by The Master to run and maintain the ship full-time. They largely consist of Pacific Islanders, and the more notable citizens are listed here. The Master See main article: The Master. The Mistress Roomate Josh He's a cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything. Barnabus See main article: Barnabus Joe the Barber A mediocre barber who The Master insists on employing. Bribery and or blackmail is suspected. Tittitukolani A Hawaiian Queen taken captive by The Father. She is the overseer for the involuntary laborers of the ship. She is known for her cruelty and her love of pomegranates. William Fitz Patrick A mysterious leprechaun, believed to be the source of much of The Master's fortune. He is kept under close watch at all times. Patrick Fitz William A drunk Irish stowaway who occasionally organizes slave revolts. Berticus The mightiest warrior known to man and ally of The Father. He is believed to remain on the ship, but has not been seen in decades. Granny Gumjobs The world's oldest prostitute, she has serviced some of the most deplorable and some of the most respectable figures in history, including Richard Nixon, Winston Churchill, JK Rowling and Tony the Tiger. Ellen DeGeneres Ellen DeGeneres lives on The Happy Floater telling mediocre jokes and being perky all the time. Henry Dillman Nobody is friends with him. Culture See: Rape Culture